When everything falls apart, something wonderful happens to me… I find I come alive with potentials, with what could be, and how might I…. I explore problems and find lovely innovations.

In 2020, when grappling with long covid, redundancy, and no clear picture on when and how I’d have the energy to work I leaned into what could be. I was lucky to be held and supported by my partner, who was able to create the space I needed to heal and evolve, to explore the possibilities of what could be while my body healed.

In this space, I wrote poetry, I connected with global and local communities, I campaigned to be a local councillor, speaking with almost everyone in my community hearing from them and sharing our ideas for what the vision of our community could be. I joined a local choir, grew food, and rested, I connected with shamanic practices and created a business that grew with my as I rebuilt my energy, healing my body and listening to its innate wisdom of what provided me energy and what depleted me. My body now has a ‘hell no’ which is so loud it physically stops me in my track if something isn’t right.

What a gift to have that time and space to replenish and expand.

Imagine if we could create that environment for all of us, a space where we are not pushing and forcing our bodies and each other through the resistance, doing the things we don’t want to do but have to to survive, to cover our basic needs.

Since then, as always happens, I found myself slipping in and out of old outdated habits, pushing through and then reminding myself to pause, settle, and flow. It’s harder now, this time, we don’t have a safety net, with a mortgage, higher bills, and a toddler I don’t have the same freedom to explore without limitations… but still the universe has her ways of making sure I’m on the right path, halting me when its not right.

Recently again I find myself at a crumbling, the structures I’ve built burnt down, cleared and I find a space created that feels like a new becoming. Becoming what… is unclear, delightfully so.

Six weeks ago I finished a project with a client that started in 2020 at that point I was becoming this version of me. It makes so much sense why it was time to finish, this next chapter is in an entirely different direction, but I found parts of myself were not ready to let go. I was swinging between who I was, who I am, and who I might become. In a way I felt as if I was multiple people presenting very different versions depending on who I was speaking with, it’s taken time to weave together those parts of me to find a new centre, and it’s ever-evolving but the ground is becoming firmer beneath my feet, my roots and strong.

In the last six weeks, only six weeks, I have again created space to become, to knock on the door, and dance with destiny. When we are in these times in our lives, we are so open to potential, and in response the universe gives to us, in vast amounts. Imagine if we could play here all the time. What could we invite in to our lives if we allowed more in?

So what have I done?

Similar to the last time, I’m anchoring myself in place. My community. I think where we are is crucial to what we do, how we impact our immediate environment. Is the place we live in amazing? Yes, awesome let’s add to that and preserve it. No, let’s work on it and invest our energy in improving the lives of those around us. I’m curiously engaging with my community and the stakeholders within it, openly exploring what we collectively care about and how we might collaboratively explore potential.

I have an event this weekend, for the first time, I’ll be representing my own companies, connect with people from my home town, deeply listening to them and hopefully inspiring discussion and thought of how we might come together to solve problems, to innovate and create, to grow in new ways that nourish us, our community, and the natural world around us.

I’ve had conversations and connections with 22 new humans and 10 reconnections putting myself out into the world, and finding commonalities, with no expectation of an outcome. I’ve flowed, and listened, cried, and been inspired. After so many nudges from the universe, I’ve started delving into Joanna Macy’s The Work that Reconnects. And look, I’m writing! I’ve felt for so long the need to start sharing, connecting with the world on my journey, sharing space together as we all try to hold so many roles, so many aspects of humanity, building our dreams for the future together while holding space for our reality, which is so often harsh, cruel. Our collective grief and anger over what is happening globally, the genocide in Palestine, the Congo, the depletion of so many ecosystems, at a micro and macro level there is so many challenges we are battling but still we are building.

I was so grateful to find the Active Hope Training, that helps us to build the skills we need and feel resourced to respond to the problems we care about in world, in inspiring impactful ways, navigating through the overwhelm.

It’s early days, and I’m a newbie in lots of ways, learning to surrender into the unknown and trust.

What’s next? I don’t know but I know I need good people around me. An interesting human told me today that a teacher will show up when you are ready to learn. I’m ready to learn, I can’t wait to see who comes.

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